snow love
04 April 2004 @ 00:46
It snowed again tonight. As I was walking out to my car across the eerily vacant parking lot, I stopped muttering about the how I hate the snow and just looked up. The snowflakes came down in clumps and were falling fast. The white patterns had a bit of a swirl to them due to the wind. I felt as if I was in a giant snowglobe.
Now I know that can be said about any time that it snows, but to me the snowglobe affect seems to come on quiet nights when the snow falls in big chunks and surrounds you. Otherwise it just seems like another annoyance of a snowfall.
When I still lived in Columbiana I would find excuses to go walk along the deserted Main Street when it would snow like that. Often I could be found with my dog yanking impatiently on his leash while I would be just standing and looking up at and into the white veil of snow. The thing that got me was that it was so quiet that, just for a second, the world was perfect. Then somehow the moment was lost and the dog and I would head for home while dark store windows showed our reflection almost every step of the way.
My parents never required an explanation for these walks beyond "hey, I'm off to walk the dog!" It would be a bit awkward to explain exactly why I took these walks.
I had always had this little girl-ish fantasy about walking out into the snow like that. I dreamed that a tall, dark handsome man would come and meet me in the snowfall and just sweep me off my feet. Being the tomboy that I was (am?) I never shared that little fantasy with anyone. It would ruin my whole "I don't need a man" approach to life. Once we moved out into the countryside I stopped engaging in those night walks. And as always, I've let my dislike of the snow be known.
It's funny, though. I'm not quite sure when I stopped believing in my little fantasy. Maybe it was when Clay and I started dating, or at least when we were dating seriously. Maybe it was after the move and I had to give up the dog. Maybe it was when I gave into the fact that strange men just don't fall in love with you when the snow is falling around you like a veil.
It's still a nice thought to visit from time to time. I stopped wishing he was real a long time ago, and perhaps that's for the best.
--Annie