hi, I'm an idiot

04 April 2004 @ 15:29
my mood

While I was talking with Molly earlier today, she mentioned that I often have said "eh, I really don't want to talk about Keith or Sophon" while I continue to write about them. I thought it was a bit odd as well.

Part of that is me trying to just play the whole thing off as if it were no big deal. Part of it is me trying to process the information and finding a way to handle it. I associate it with Keith talking about his ex-wife and then suddenly stopping the coversation with "fuck it, I don't want to talk about her."

It's not like Keith is the only thing going on in my life right now. There's also school, work at Wal-Mart, Army stuff, family issues, moving to Columbus, and the knowledge that I'll have to find a new job. Yet I decide to focus in on Keith. Really, I have my own life. I am not a pathetic girl who sits around waiting on her boyfriend. (Am I?)

Eh, it could be because I've held back on it since January and it's gushing out all at once. And I finally have to deal with it on more than I'm-off-for-Columbus-see-you-in-a-few-days basis. My mom knows. I've met his family and friends. I help him with his business. The unit gossips about our relationship, even before anything was there.

I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm tired of talking about it. Yet I have this little urge to let it all out.

Everything in moderation, I guess?

You have no idea how frustrating this can be. At least I'm not running away from you and slamming doors in your face.
--Annie

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