leaving soon
20 August 2005 @ 01:08
Tomorrow we leave for S�o Jos� dos Campos. M�e, in her protests of seeing me leave, asked if we wanted to travel with her and Pai in the car instead of taking the bus. Ded� and I agreed -- yeah, the bus is nice, but I'd rather take the car so we can make a few stops. And I'd like to spend my last few days here with M�e e Pai around.
My mom is excited -- basically to the tune of "yay, my baby's coming home!" She doesn't take to the joking of kidnapping me too lightly, which actually provoked a semi-serious conversation about me staying here.
Katie says: so are you ready to come home yet?
Annie says: no. they want to kidnap me
Katie says: what does that mean? stay there forever? what about your family here? school? job? band?
Annie says: noo, they're teasing. just a joke. I can't get a job here, mom. I can't do anything here. seriously.
Katie says: why is that?
Annie says: I don't speak Portuguese. and even if I did, I don't speak Portuguese well.
Katie says: aren't you learning?
Annie says: very very slowly. it's a big mess in my head.
Katie says: it usually takes a little while
Annie says: and even if I spoke wonderful Portuguese (for a foreigner) I'm still in the wrong city to find a job. much less a good paying job.
Katie says: this is true
Annie says: so? little to no point of me staying here
Katie says: i guess there is something to stay in the area where your roots are
Annie says: school, at least. there's no way I would even want to try to get into the university system here, esp when a degree from YSU would be accepted just about anywhere
Katie says: true
Annie says: so. yeah.
I do want to stay, but right now? There's nothing for me here, aside from friends and family. And as much as I love them, it won't pay the bills.
Andr�'s been kicking into the "oh no, Annie's leaving!" mode, ever so slowly. It'll get cranked up a notch or two when we actually make it to S�o Jos�.
You can tell that it's getting close to the time I'm supposed to leave when we're running around at the last minute shopping and visiting people. Which is all we've really been doing these last couple of days.
We did meet up with F�bio, though, and talked with him a little. F�bio amazes me in the fact that he dates an English teacher, he knows all of this stuff that goes on in the States and in Ohio, and actually will talk to me about it. Like the scandal that is going on with Governor Taft of Ohio -- how he accepted "gifts" of large sums of money. I would never have guessed that anyone in Brazil knew about that. He likes to compare Taft's little scandal to all of Brazil's big government scandals. Just because Taft got up in front of the cameras and said "yeah, I did it and I'm sorry" actually made F�bio respect the man.
I think F�bio is more obsessed by the States than Andr� is. And Andr�'s the one dating the American.
Ah, F�bio's a good guy nonetheless. I just wish we could have spent more time with him.
I didn't get to see Xico at all. Or a lot of Andr�'s friends for that matter. I need more time, and I don't have it.
Amoung all of the things that Andr� and I have been talking about -- friendships, relationships, people, stuff, poverty, politics, life -- I've been pushing the subject of me taking Portuguese classes. It depresses me that I can barely understand his family and friends and that I can't really communicate above the level of a two year old. It kills me because I know that I'm intelligent, I know that I understand a little... I just can't communicate. I can't talk to his mom. I can't gossip with his sister. I don't even feel confident enough to go to the butcher's shop.
He -- and everyone else -- keeps telling me, "you'll learn. You'll get the hang of it, you'll be able to talk to people. Be patient." I'm not a patient person. Yes, I understand. Yes, I'm understanding to the point where it scares me. But I have questions that Andr� and others may not be able to answer.
For example, to say "with me" in Portuguese, one says comigo. This is confusing because the stress pronoun for "me" is mim. To say "with you", it's com voc�. "With him/her", it's com ele/ela. So my question to Andr� has been why comigo and not com mim or com eu? It's not com eu, because that's the wrong pronoun for that situation. Okay, that part is easy to get. But seriously, why not com mim?
This is why I need a Portuguese teacher.
He's been saying there's no point. No need to do this now. Not right now, at least. He reminds me of how busy I am already with school, work, and soon a community band -- and he's got a point. I don't have a lot of time.
On the other hand, I'm afraid that if I don't start soon, that I may not be able to speak well by the time I graduate.
Not to mention the fact that I'm one of those people that would like to have a nice piece of paper from a university that says, yes, I can speak that language. That may not happen with this language, but a few classes wouldn't hurt.
There's a program at another not-so-local university, and I might be able to swing it and get my tuition program to cover it. But, there's the time issue still.
And yet? I think I got Andr� to cave in. He basically said that if I thought it was that important, then maybe it is something I should do. And if I can't swing it then once a week, I get a lesson.
Yeah, I realize that all of that is a bunch of babbling of what is probably nothing to most of you. And I apologize. But this has been one of those things that's been bothering me for awhile. Seriously, you spend some time in a country where you don't speak the language and all sorts of people are trying to talk to you. Then you'll understand.
Dear whatever young punk wanders the streets at close to 2 AM,
Go to bed! I'm tired of listening to the dogs bark. I realize it's a Friday night. Isn't there a dance club open somewhere?? Don't you have a girlfriend? Ai.
No love,
The Gringa
Not much else to say. It's late. I should probably go back to bed so we can get up and leave at a decent hour. (I'm not entirely done packing, either.)
I probably won't have a connection in S�o Jos�, but with the nice, long layover at the Dallas airport? I don't think I'll be able to resist the wireless internet. I'd look for updates then.
At� mais,
--Annie