levels of psychology
18 July 2004 @ 00:07
I've come to the conclusion that my dad is all supportive and content about what's going on in my life as long as it fits into his grand master plan. If it doesn't quite fit, he'll try to pound on it until it fits -- or crumbles.
I have a feeling that this is probably why I left in the first place, and why my brother left. After awhile it gets to you. It doesn't take much for him to make me feel like a child again, although I am quite capable of taking care of my own business.
Instead of having someone for me to bounce ideas off of and be supportive I have someone who will rant about how they're all wrong and how if I follow them I won't achieve my goals. How I will end up a failure.
I don't like to fail.
On a brighter note, I spent the evening babysitting two of my younger cousins. We cleaned and organized their playroom, and afterwards I took them to see some fireworks. They really enjoyed that.
When they were over on Thursday, they couldn't remember my name. They also asked about my brother, but in a roundabout way.
(The following is as best as I can remember it, of course.)
Maggie: "Where is that boy?"
Annie: "What boy?"
Maggie: "The one that's always with you."
Annie: "The one that's always with me..."
Jake: "Yeah! The one that was always with you."
Annie: "You mean Travis, my brother?"
Maggie: "Yeah! Where is he?"
Annie: "He isn't here anymore."
Maggie: "Did he die?"
Annie: "No, he didn't die. He just doesn't live here anymore."
Jake: "Why?"
Annie: "He went to live with someone else."
Maggie: "Why did he go live with someone else?"
Annie: "Because he wanted to."
Really, how do you explain to a 2 and 4 year old that your younger brother went crazy and decided to drop out of high school and live with his girlfriend's family?
I couldn't believe that they associated the two of us that closely, or that they thought that he died. It makes sense, though. Travis and I look like non-identical twins. People tend to group other people together. And his sudden, mysterious disappearance? To them, he must be dead. He is just not there. They don't see him, they don't talk to him. What else could have happened to him?
Maybe I should just major in psychology and study people for a living. I already spend enough time during the day doing it -- I should be getting paid for this.
--Annie